Not a Satirical Cop-Out

Paul Blart: Mall Cop
Directed by Steve Carr. Starring Kevin James and Jayma Mays.
3/5 Stars

McClane. Murtaugh. Riggs. Blart. One of these things is not like the others. Just saying it out loud makes me laugh—Paul Blart. Such a peculiar action-hero surname got me thinking that if I were to have a list of funny names that I would most want to hear a frog croak, Blart immediately goes to the top of that list.

After his hugely successful television sitcom The King of Queens went off the air in 2007, Kevin James has laid low since, with his only film being the poorly-received I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, released over a year ago. So what have James and producer Adam Sandler been brewing these past eighteen months? Paul Blart: Mall Cop. Yes, I know, this film has Adam Sandler written all over it, but I really wanted to see it. I realize any slapstick comedy produced by Sandler’s Happy Madison production company comes with an automatic red flag, but Kevin James is an irresistibly funny guy, and besides, there’s no way Happy Madison could sink lower than Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo. So I had high hopes of being amused.

My hopes were surpassed. Here’s the skinny: Paul Blart (Kevin James) is an overweight, single father who still lives at home with his mother. He is a security officer at a shopping mall in New Jersey who takes his job way too seriously (he patrols the mall on his Segway with an iron fist, at one point attempting to serve an elderly man a citation for reckless driving of a mobility scooter), and although he applied to the New Jersey State Police, he failed the obstacle course at the police academy. He has a crush on a girl named Amy (Lindsay Lohan-look-a-like Jayma Mays), who also works at the mall, and he has no idea how to talk to her. His mother and daughter get him to reluctantly create a profile on www.perfectmatch.com (he is reluctant not because he is desperate for a girlfriend but because he is embarrassed).

This description sounds like a typical, pathetic loser in many Sandler films; but Blart is also a really altruistic, nice guy, and compassion is a trait that most of Sandler’s characters unfortunately lack. In a movie without any gay jokes, nudity, toilet humour, or even swearing, it all adds up to being really adorable and funny.

The film is also surprisingly witty, as it is more of a satire of action-comedy films than it is a slapstick comedy. On Black Friday, a day after Thanksgiving and also the busiest shopping day of the year, a group of would-be terrorists take over the mall with a plan so incredibly insane you wonder if the thieves got high the night before while having a heist-movie marathon. Regardless, they take several hostages, including Amy and Blart’s daughter, Maya (Raini Rodriguez), and as circumstance would have it, the only man who can save the day is Paul Blart.

The film turns into a wildly funny, imaginative, and action-packed Die Hard scenario: one unarmed man versus a large group of armed terrorists who can’t be reasoned with. That one man, however, is an overweight security officer named Paul Blart, who knocks the thieves out, one by one, by leading them into cat-and-mouse scenarios including the old hiding-in-a-ventilation-shaft trick, the disguising-yourself-as-a-hockey-goalie-in-a-sporting-goods-store routine, and the classic take-your-enemy-out-with-a-tanning-bed manoeuvre.

There’s even a scene satirizing tough guy one-liners themselves in which a police officer is being ordered around by the arrogant SWAT leader (a common occurrence in these types of films) so Blart’s boss, the head of mall security, gives the officer a notepad of one-liners to throw back at the guy, including “You and what army?” to which the officer responds by saying “But he does have an army!” It’s all very funny stuff, and not once do the characters ever turn and wink at the camera. Paul Blart is in a ridiculously funny situation but what keeps it funny is him being able to keep it believable.

Untimely Encounters

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Directed by David Fincher. Starring Brad Pitt and Cate Blanchett.
3/5 Stars

There is an elderly man in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button who claims to have been struck by lightening seven times throughout his life. Whenever he encounters Benjamin Button (Brad Pitt)—which occurs sporadically over several years—he makes conversation by telling him about each lightening strike. Even after this man’s death, the motif carries on as lightening, or at least stormy-like weather, occurs during key moments as the characters’ lives progress. The film is also told entirely in flashback, as a woman reads Button’s diary to her dying mother in a New Orleans hospital while Hurricane Katrina relentlessly approaches.

Temporality is really the star of this film. This Forrest Gump-style of storytelling (not surprisingly, the same screenwriter wrote both films) presents the life of Benjamin Button from birth to death. But what is so curious about Benjamin’s life is that while he is living in a world in which everyone and everything is moving forwards, he is moving backwards; he was born as an old man, and as he ages he grows physically younger.

Based on an F. Scott Fitzgerald short story, this idea is indeed an intriguing concept. The film is also splendidly made: the cinematography is simply beautiful; the makeup and special effects are astounding; and David Fincher (Fight Club, Zodiac), in his third collaboration with Brad Pitt, should be awarded with his first Best Director nomination at the upcoming Oscars.

The acting too is superb. Brad Pitt masterfully portrays Benjamin in all stages of life. How he effectively captures the emotions and the mentality of a young boy who has the physical characteristics of someone much older is fascinating to watch. Pitt surely put in a lot of effort in adapting his body language in order for it to be manipulated by computers so he could appear to have the height of a young boy, all while under heavy makeup.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button could maybe even become a favourite for Best Picture. With all of its sublime qualities, it would be easy to label it as a great film. Believe me when I say that I want to give it that label. I really do. I immensely enjoyed watching it and was totally immersed in the story during the whole two hour and forty-six minute running time.

The film simply cannot work with how it structured Benjamin’s life and his romance with his childhood friend Daisy (Cate Blanchett); it rejects all logic of time and romance. Yes, the film is fictional, I understand that. But even fantasy has to be presented as logical. Benjamin is born as an old man in an infant’s body and ages into a regular infant. His life is not circular, or even partially circular. It is still projected onto a linear line like everyone else's, it's just moving backwards for him. This problem is what the screenplay fails to realize.

The romance is flawed because Benjamin ages backwards. When they are younger and in their early thirties (although he looks much older), Daisy presents herself to Benjamin but he declines, thankfully, but why? Is he worried about the physical age difference, or any sexual thoughts he has of her as a young child? Later, when their physical ages meet during the middle of their respective lives, they finally do make love. Now they ruined it! Does he not have the same image of her as a child? Does she not think of him as an old man? How could their initial friendship have evolved into this romance? Could they not see the future and where (or, when?) their lives were headed? Yes, but not until it was too late. In the end, when she visits him while he is a child, she acts as his mother and is not his lover. Why could they not have seen this happening when they first made love?

I have developed what I believe to be a conclusive list of scenarios to make this film logical within the story’s fictional concept: 1a) Benjamin ages into a fully-grown man who looks like an infant child (that would be weird); or, 1b) his biological mother gives birth to him as a fully-grown, elderly man (that would be interesting); 2a) Benjamin and Daisy do not fall in love and never have sex (that would be boring); or, 2b) as well as making love while being middle-aged, Benjamin accepts her love-making offer while they are younger, AND to bring closure to the relationship, as an elderly woman, Daisy must have sex with Benjamin when he is physically a young teenager (that would be awesome).

The New Pornographers

Zack and Miri Make a Porno
Written/Directed by Kevin Smith. Starring Seth Rogen, Elizabeth Banks, and Jason Mewes.
3.5/5 Stars

Kevin Smith was raised as a Catholic and he still attends mass occasionally. The corruption and evilness of sin has been deeply embedded in him since childhood. In some backwards-twisted, nonsensical, upside-down, Wacky World kind of way, it almost makes his films more charming and meaningful. Tits-and-ass jokes become endearing in Kevin Smith’s world.

A.O. Scott once commented that Smith’s films have a dirty mind but a pure heart. Zack and Miri Make a Porno isn’t so much an offensive, profanity-ridden sex romp but is instead a sweet, romantic-comedy under the guise of an offensive, profanity-ridden sex romp.

Kevin Smith is 38 with a wife and kid and he still thinks sex is dirty in a kind of giggly-schoolgirl way, and that it’s amusing to startle people with enough expletive language to fill a dictionary and then some. But the one consistent, underlying variable in almost all of Kevin Smith’s movies is that, at the end, there is always some tender message about love, friendships, or even religion.

Is Zack and Miri really that offensive though? Well, there are so many vulgarities in the dialogue that if the film were ever to be broadcasted on primetime, it would be cut down to about twelve minutes in length and still have enough bleeps in it that it would make the sound of a fire alarm welcoming. And the rumoured Jason Mewes sex tape that Kevin Smith has suggested need not be surfaced: the film has its fair share of soft-core sex and even the long-awaited debut of Mewes' penis. But, alas, the eventual romance that blooms between Zack and Miri is ever more endearing for it all.

I suppose there is a plot summary in due order here but it is not particularly necessary. The setup: Zack (Seth Rogen) and Miri (Elizabeth Banks) are lifelong, platonic friends and housemates who are flat broke. The action: they gather a group of friends and would-be porn stars to make a porno so they can pay their bills and avoid eviction. The conclusion: well, that’s all too obvious, isn’t it?

But everyone already knows the ending before even walking into the theatre. It’s how Zack and Miri fall in love which is the exciting part. The dialogue is so refreshing that you just want to transcribe it, lick it endlessly and sleep with it between your legs.

Every conversation between Zack and Miri—from how they wouldn’t let the sex affect their friendship, to how it had affected their friendship when it eventually happened, and finally to the “after we had sex I realized that after all these years that I love you” talk—is so rich, original, and, well, funny, that you can almost excuse Smith for placing the dialogue within the almost overdone context of friends who don’t want to ruin what they got with sex but end up falling in love regardless. As a result, there aren't many narrative surprises in this movie.

But Smith has grown visually, something he has been doing gradually with each film. He maintains that he’s always been a great writer but only a so-so director. Not true. Although he may not be as good as Scorsese or Spielberg, he doesn’t have to be, either. Smith doesn’t write those types of films, and his directorial style perfectly matches his writing style.

Just like in Clerks II, Smith is able to pull off one of the most important scenes in the movie without an iota of talking: Zack and Miri’s much-anticipated first sexual encounter is the only love scene in a movie full of sex scenes.

Elizabeth Banks is adorable and you can do nothing but admire an actress’s range when she can go from playing the First Lady to playing a porn star in back-to-back weeks. It’s also nice to see Seth Rogen in a movie in which he’s not smoking weed. Not that I particularly disliked The 40-Year-Old Virgin, Knocked Up, Superbad, or The Pineapple Express; I was just getting tired of him playing the same stoner character in every movie. He is funny here and it’s a welcoming change.

So what more can I really say? It’s true: Kevin Smith has a hit on his hands. It’s not as good as Chasing Amy or Clerks; but I laughed...a lot.

Pals Against Cancer

“A menagerie of successful, talented bands” was the response to the question of “who’s playing?” at this year’s Brofest. But Brofest 2008 is more than just a concert.
Yes, the lineup is indeed a menagerie of successful, talented bands, but the concert is also for worthwhile cause, with all of the event’s proceeds going towards the fight against cancer.
It’s also a way for many people part of the local music community to remember a friend who lost his fight, and for many, that opportunity to remember is infinitely more important than a lineup of bands. Brofest began in the fall of 2006 to honour Nicholas Hurlbut, a dear friend and beloved member of the Burlington music scene who had succumbed to cancer that summer.
From its humble beginnings at the Burlington YMCA, Brofest—now an annual charity concert—has grown to a large three-day event. This year’s lineup includes Silverstein, Dead and Divine, I Am Committing a Sin, Oceans, Lifestory: Monologue, and Titan.

“The first (Brofest concert) was totally reactionary (to Nicholas’ death) and ended up being really cathartic,” notes Ryan Henderson, guitarist for I Am Committing a Sin and co-organizer of this year’s event, along with Silverstein's Paul Koehler.

“With the second one, we’re like ‘OK, well, this is the opportunity we have to build on the success of this, and to celebrate Nick’s life a year from now and just kind of build upon the importance and the responsibility that we built in the community.’”

“A utilitarian concert,” Paul Rousseau, fellow member of I Am Committing a Sin, chimed in.

“With this year,” Henderson continued, “there were a few choices that we had to make which would’ve either leaned more toward keeping in line with the grassroots spirit of the first two events or more toward a bigger, greater-good mentality, if you will, which is something we leaned more toward this year, from the lineup to the venue and everything. It’s structured to bring more people into it and more exposure to what we’re about and our cause.”

This year’s expanded weekend event, running from Oct. 3-5, includes the Punk Rock Basketball Tournament and Covers for a Cure, in addition to the shows.

The basketball tournament will be a round-robin style tournament at the Burlington YMCA featuring members of various local bands and others involved in the local music scene. Fans will also have the opportunity to request cover songs from some of their favourite bands during Covers for a Cure.

Henderson had a lot of good things to say about all of the events. “Hopefully Covers for a Cure will have a sort of karaoke dynamic to it, so maybe fans can come up on stage and cover some of their favourite bands whom happen to be at the event.

“The basketball tournament will feature a bunch of people who can’t really play basketball and will be open to the public. I think kids are really going to like seeing members of Silverstein play basketball. Paul Koehler in jean shorts, I guess."
Rousseau was intrigued by the thought. “Cut-off shorts?”

“Yeah, they’d be cut-off jean shorts, actually,” replied Henderson, “my cut-off sister’s jeans.” Christie Hurlbut, Nick’s sister, corrected Henderson: “you said ‘my cut-off sister’s jeans’ when you meant to say ‘my sister’s cut-off jeans.’"
“Half of girls!” Rousseau joked.

Everyone laughed.
A sense of humour is important for helping everyone get through this serious subject matter, but as Henderson maintains, remembering Nick and keeping Brofest a personalized, local event is just as important.

“Certainly Nick’s passion for music has been a strong propellant in us continuing to do this and continuing to do it with so much passion. There is a weird dichotomy, though, between wanting to make the event bigger and more successful with each passing year but also wanting to keep it as intensely personal as we can. It is a local thing for sure and always will be, but our goal is to make it as big of a local thing as we possibly can.”

“What’s most important is that almost every band involved had a personal connection to Nick,” adds Rousseau.

This year’s Brofest concert will be held on Friday, Oct. 3 at 24/7 Live (formerly The Kingdom), 1400 Plains Rd. E., Burlington, ON. Tickets are $15 and can be purchased at Dr. Disc (Hamilton), Looney Tunes (Burlington), Burlington YMCA Youth Centre, or online at www.ticketscene.ca. The doors open at 6:00 p.m.

All proceeds from the event will be collected by the Nicholas Hurlbut Memorial Fund and donated to The Carpenter Hospice.